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Mike iLL

Disciplin is fueled by will power.

Disciplin keeps Andy Action in the habit of running in East River Park every other day for health. Will power keeps you going past where it hurts.

Will power keeps me from tobacco and disciplin gets me to turn on the computer at #:00 AM to put up this web entry.

We woke up at like 8:30 this morning and did a photo shoot. Dirty Harry. Hmmmm. It’s not our band.

Me and Michael are playing with Harry and this guitarist for the first time this week.

Big time producer. Apartment paid for. Wages. Food. “Call if you need anything”.

They wanna have it be percieved as a “band”. Well, they want it to BE a band. Harry wants us to write the next record as a band. But when is that gonna be, two years from now? Can we EVEN write together.

So. Being the creative egoist, I’m like, “This isn’t me, what’s my thing, and is it real”? And all these crazy head trips. The drummer and guitarist too. We’re all like questioning the music.

But these people are playing the corporate game, and that’s really fuckin’ enticing. I mean, that’s how you become Nirvana or … Well, the whole fame thing really. It’s such a big fuckin’ thing in all our heads.

Another beautiful day in London. Cold and rainy. Actually last night was really nice, in a rainy sort of way. Micheal (Wildwood, drummer, from D-Generation, Chrome Locust, New York City Rock ‘n’ Roll) and I went to go see this band called Godspeed you Black Emperor and it was sold out so (after failing to talk our way in) we walked around the Kings Cross area for a while and back aong Oxford Street past some big park I forget the name of and back to Ladbrook Grove (by Portabello Road) where we’re staying.

Trip we still don’t have an election result with this whole Bush/Gore thing. Bush’s face makes me ill.

I really dig Ralph Nader and it felt good to vote for him. Green Party. All right. Pretty cool. A politician who disagrees with Alan Greenspans idea that unemployment is necessary to stave off inflation. Got to keep people scared enough not to spend their money too fast, or it’ll loose its “Value”.

You know the Federal Reserve Bank (who issues the checks we call “Dead Presidents”) is owned by a small, secret group of international banks, from countries including England, USA and France? Seth Tobocman did an amazing piece called “Our Next President”, a slide show at a Soft Skull book release party NyQwill played.

What a powerful artist, and genuine revolutionary. Wow.

Property is Theft. I think Peter Krotopkin said that.

So we did this big photo shoot today, then went over to old-school family friend Daphne Hall’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.

She rocks. Good day. Food, wine, hash, artists, tons of super-diva jet-set females.

If you really love your lover and your sex life is fucked up, or even not; Shouldn’t you want them to have some good sex however they can get it? To have all the experinces? It’s not you. You know. What We have is what We have. Not trying to justify anything on my part either, if that’s what your dirty vicarious-livin’-ass little minds are weaving out. Lol.

Feel really satisfied and totaly in love which is great.

Hey. All you people that read this that I love so much. Thanks for being so supportive and so real.

Going out to Sweet Dog ‘cause he loves it, and all the goofs in Tuscaloosa. Tony Goodner and other cave-dwellers in Decatur, Alabama. Caryn Hill and the mississippi priests in Memphis. Maria Claudio in Bogota, who got folks on the radio playing my CDs there, thanks for giving birth to all these angels.

Lemme go ahead and get on that World Wide Web and put this up international instant-access.

Here’s something I wrote a few days ago, but never posted:

London, England.

We’re two blocks from Portobello Road. Michael Wildwood, the drummer from New York punk rock band D-Generation and are are put up in a basement flat, nicer than any place I’ve ever lived.

It’s a bit chilly in here, and the shower is pretty cold, but I’ve heard that’s generally the deal around Europe - more so on the “continent” (as they call it).

Micheal is a serious Stooges/Bad Brains head. He’s been into rock music since like age eight, and he’s the real deal. His collection is Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Beach Boys, Souxie and the Banchees, Rolling Stones, The Clash… and he’ll pick out the best songs on a given CD - he knows all the words and has one of those encyclopedic brains.

I’ve already been going to school. He’s also a tireless storyteller. From Queens, New York. He’s vegetarian, non-smoker. We should get along beautifully.

Nervous about being in someone else’s band, but it could be the perfect opportunity to concentrate on breathing, writing, and making contacts around Europe. If it’s creatively stifling I’m sure I won’t keep it up forever.

Very psyched to hook up with some of the “squatters” from the summer.

Already miss Rivka and it’s only been 2 1/2 days. Last night I was hurting so bad. But the first couple of days are the hardest in ways. Most likely time will be flying before I know it.

It’s so cool to be getting regular money for the first time in what, ten years? PDisciplinractically. Not that it’s much money, but enough to cover rent and food. Plus there’ll be catering at rehearsals and the studio.

Dirty Harry. It’s definitely pop music. The five songs we’re to record this month have been written.

We’ll be hearing them tomorrow. The producer definitely used to be cool. We’ll see where the last 15 years (since Killing Joke) have got him. Harry says he smokes hash cigarettes all day and he’s into some kind of Druidic cult. Sounds cool.

Do your shit. Do this shit. Make some money. Be strong. Answer the e-mails. Write your friends. Mail the hash. mike iLL

23/11/2000